Secrets of pain
by MW3addict
Summary: They all know that he is hiding something. They all know he is pained. But what they don't know is the mental scars in his head. The ones that scream at him, causing him self hatred. What they don't know is the real reason of why he wears long sleeved shirts. And what HE don't know is that he needs his family and he needs help. All Vamp,set after BD. Self harm story. A/J


**Ok guys, I'm bored and I felt like writing a little something which wasn't an update for my other story because that would take a lot longer than this. This idea had popped into my head a couple of days ago and i told myself that I wouldn't write it yet as I haven't finished my other story but I just want you to have a bit of a preview. Update won't be until I have finished 'to love the unloved'**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.**

They all know that I hide things from them. They all know that what I told them of my past isn't everything. They all know that my old scars are from battle but they haven't even seen the newer ones. Not even Alice. I'm the reason why our relationship isn't very physical. She thinks it's because I'm self conscious about my body but although that's part of it, the main reason is because she doesn't know and it will break her hear if she finds out. She always tells me that considering she loves me, she hates how much of a self loather I am. She doesn't realise how much I hate myself.

Edward

He's the problem.

He knows

Stupid mind reader.

Not only did he hear the pain from my mind but he also caught me in the act. He saw me do it. A few hours after killing a human, I got too depressed. If I didn't do it I would have run away. Or would have done something much worse. If it wasn't for my... habit, I would have probably killed myself by now. It keeps me alive. It keeps me sane. If I were human, I would be locked in a padded room.

Edward originally followed me into the woods to see if I was Ok and then he heard my thoughts. He had ran straight to me, not caring about the fact that I get startled to easily. He grabbed my arm, telling me to let go but my teeth were firmly clenched down on my wrist and a low growl escaped my mouth warning him to stay away but he continued.

"Jasper stop. Please don't do this. You will hurt Alice" he yelled.

Nobody mentions Alice. I hated how they always mention Alice when they thought I was doing something wrong. It always worked though. I had released my wrist and pinned Edward. I rarely ever shout but I guess this was one of those rare moments.

"Don't you dare tell Alice. Don't you dare tell anyone"I screamed.

My teeth were inches from his neck but he knew I wouldn't dare hurt him. Hurting Edward meant hurting Alice.

But of course that was ages ago and my habit hasn't stopped. Edward hasn't told anybody.

Yet.

I have a bad feeling that Alice will find out soon though. It's been so long since she has seen me topless and when she sees the fresh bites on my arm she will know that something is up. If Carlisle ever finds out, he'll switch to Dr mode and keep and extra eye on me. I would hate that especially because they have only just stopped checking up on me and treating me like the special one.

For now I will just keep my secret hidden. Alice made my life better but some things just can't be healed. Things like the mental scars inside my head. The ones that scream at me, telling me to express how much I'm hurting from the inside to the outside. Just thinking about it is making me go into another depression. Maybe just one bite. One venomous bite into my skin and it would all feel better. All the mental pain will be forgotten.

I push my sleeve up revealing many self inflicted bite marks. What would they all think of me when they find out. They'll see me as weak. I don't deserve Alice and her innocent smooth skin. She is everything that I'm not.

I sink my fangs into my upper arm, wincing at the pain. I should be use to it right now but I'm glad I'm not otherwise it would have no effect on me. I then roll my sleeve back down again and jump down from the tree that I was sitting in. Now some time for hunting. Thats what Alice though I was doing in the first place.

**So what do you guys think? Yes I know. It's like I have an obsession with self harm stories. Ok, fine I do. But would you guys be interested if I were to carry on. Like I said, not another update until I finish my other story but I would still appreciate reviews and follows.**


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